Luna Pacifica

30 Day Vegan: Days Three & Four

It is nearly time to pull out, wash, and sanitize jars and lids. June is almost here and that means sweet things are growing in the fields of my valley. We patiently anticipate delightfully sweet, juicy blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries--soon! 

Days three and four have been good and cravings have been minimal However, I am experiencing an intermittent headache and terribly uncomfortable bloating that I just can't seem to remedy. I don't believe the bloating is from the absence of dairy, but from the increase of raw and whole foods. (I remember this happened the last time I steadily ate a vegan diet.) Exercise, tea, and good ol' fashioned bean-o are just not cutting it and I'm beginning to feel a bit frustrated with the constant discomfort. I'm hoping tomorrow I will physically feel better. Overall, my mood is happy. 

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Does anyone else watch American Idol? Absolutely beautiful. Enjoy!

30 Day Vegan: Day Two

The last month or so, I have adopted different aspects of whole health into my lifestyle. I have been trying to lose weight, build strength, and maintain balance in my mind. Heather's 30 Day Vegan workshop seemed to be the next natural step on my journey towards whole health.

I was pretty craggy last night. I wanted cheese--nay--I demanded cheese. I was not happy with the way I felt so I went to the grocery store and spent what I could on ingredients for snacky-type meals. 

Score: Jessie 1,  Cheese 0.

I anticipate that I will feel craggy again tonight as late evening is when I experience an intense cravings for snacks. Here I would normally make nachos, devour Red Vines (candy crack), and nosh on my mac and cheese, but now I must fill that time with something else. But, what? Healthy snacks? Tea? We'll see. Pleasure or pain, anxiety will be relieved.

Aside from my late night cravings, here is what I have learned thus far about a vegan diet:

1. It requires that you eat alot of food--healthy, whole food--and that takes time, energy, and attention. This leads me to number two...
2. For me, it requires a good deal of planning and preparation. This also takes time. This leads to number three...
3. I must be vigilant about fat and calorie amounts. My body does not like soy (and I do not like how it is processed--win:win) so much of my protein will come from legumes and nuts which can be high in fat and carbohydrates. It's a balance and it takes time.
4. It takes time and mindfulness.

This journey towards whole health proves to be a lesson in respect and patience for my body. I anticipate it will only get easier as my body begins to function efficiently--heal the body, heal the mind?

Where I Am

The spring quarter is halfway thorough and I am beat. I'm not rocking the stress as well as previous quarters and I can tell I'm in need of a break. An extended break.

A summer break.

A break to recuperate. To focus on my body and my family. To do some gardening. Do help with household projects. To do my own dishes and fold my own laundry. To reconnect with my identity as a mother. To snuggle my children. To spend some real time with Mr. B. To spend some time out of doors. To pick strawberries from the fields. To ride my bike! To go fishing. To do some crafting. To do some summer "unschooling" with the ladies and for me. To pitch a tent in the woods at least once. To do some writing. To go to the beach. To do some of this.

To complete a little summer reading: 

Of course, this is what I am dreaming of. I haven't made up my mind about forgoing summer quarter or not...

 

Eat. Live. Feel. (Warning: Profuse profanity ahead)

Initially, when I came across the above picture on Pinterest, I scoffed in disapproval: "Skinny legs. Protruding hip bones? What am I looking at here?! Is this a pro-ana type of picture or something else? This doesn't apply to me. Why am I still looking at this?! Bah!"

Truth is, I was drawn to it and I couldn't stop looking at it. It wasn't the female figure that held held my intrigue, rather, I was captivated by the words:

 

"Eat like shit. Live like shit. Feel like shit."

 

You know that feeling when you're confronted with the stark reality that all the excuses you've fooled yourself into believing, specifically the ones you use to justify why you were unable to do this-or-that? That feeling when you know you alone are "in charge of your own destiny"? Ya, that one.

This picture put it all into perspective for me. BAM, Jess. All your petty excuses IN. YOUR. FACE!

Confession. I'm fat. I don't mean the stereotype "fat". I mean that I am unhealthy overweight. I haven't always been this size. I have been thin. I don't mean stereotype thin. I mean unhealthy thin. I could go into my past: Overeating, refusing to eat, binging, purging, working out three times a day, eating well, eating poorly, emotional eating with bipolar disorder. Up and down. Blah, blah, blah.

Bottom line: I over eat when I am depressed and I don't eat when I am hypomanic. I have an unhealthy, in consistent relationship with food and my body and mind reflect every go-around. Eat like shit. Live like shit. Feel like shit. It's that simple, eh?

The point: I started working out two weeks ago. Rather, I started moving two weeks ago and removed certain "triggered foods" from my diet. I've lost 10 pounds, mostly water weight I'm assuming as I am not eating as many carbs (carbs hold water), and I have more energy--healthy energy. I forgot how good it feels to work out and eat well.

I'm really excited about what this will bring into my life!

Personal Perspective: Part Three

*There is an amphitheater just around the bend in the river where Dave Matthews plays every summer. Love!



We made it home safe and sound.

The east side of Washington state is entirely different from the west side where I live. It's amazing. Beautiful. Love.

Personal Perspective: Part Two

 With La Diabla Blanca in the shop, the eight of us traveled to downtown Spokompton (Spokane, Wa) to play and have lunch with a double date on the side for the mamas. (But, what was intended to be a sisterly bonding experience ended up a full on family affair.)

*hover over photos for details

...Years after my father died, I went snooping around in my mom's closet and found my father's briefcase. I wanted to know what he was working on in the days before his death. Inside were typical briefcase items: pencils, pens, highlighters, paperclips, papers. His new business cards. Nothing that really caught my attention except for a small scrap of paper.

Phrases from a recent conference that grabbed his attention, scribbled on paper. Phrases behind which I will never know the stories. Phrases that meant enough for him to write them down:

Framed and placed at my bedside, this piece of paper has accompanied me through my adolescence and adulthood. It has been a reminder to take responsibility for my actions; bring changes I desire unto myself. It has been a reminder of how I would like to perceive the world...


"Be in charge of your own destiny."

It means something to me too, daddy. Something special, indeed.

 

Personal Perspective: Part 1

This weekend could be described one of two ways:

1. A comedy of errors overlaid with adventure, laughter, adrenaline, human connection, and familial resourcefulness.
2. A family trip filled with disaster, considerable mental and, at times physical, stress with a side of unnecessary monetary expenses.

Personally, I'd like to remember this weekend as an adventure, so I'll tell the story of number one.

Friday afternoon, after dosing the Ladies with motion sickness medication, the B family climbed into our family car, lovingly named The White Devil, or La Diabla Blanca, and embarked upon what can only be referred to as a 6 hour journey in patience and optimism over the mountains to visit family at Fairchild Air Force Base.

The first three hours were as good as gold. Traffic through Seattle was a breeze, the weather was warm an sunny, and the Ladies were in good spirits. But shortly after the halfway mark, the good vibes fizzled out and we quickly learned that what can go wrong on a relatively short journey, will go wrong.

First, my tummy began rumbling (in a not-so-nice way) and we had to make an emergency stop. Then, came a constant need for the diffusion of spats between two drowsy, cranky Ladies in the backseat. And then it happened. Every travelers worst nightmare. Just as the sun began to set, La Diabla Blanca began to sputter.

Those last three hours of the journey were stresful to say the least, but we kept a calm outlook and pushed on. The children were comforted with the constant reminder of our family motto: As long as we are together, we will be okay.

We safely arrived at the air force base and were welcomed with smiles and open arms (after security background checks by the US military, of course.) We were just thankful that the b*tch-car didn't leaving us stranded somewhere between the sweet-corn and alfalfa fields of eastern Washington.

...to be continued...

Scenes

In Bloom

Disconnected

Oh, my goodness. I am sitting outside the college in the SUNSHINE! I do love my rain, and I'm quite sure I'll be getting some soon enough, but I do love the sunshine just as much. It does my heart good to feel the sunshine on my skin, see the daffodils in full bloom, listen to super fat bumble bees and birds buzzing and chirping about...ahh, spring!

Have you checked out Heather's workshop? I'm thrilled to be a participant along with my girl friend. It will be interesting to experience a vegan diet at the college. Though the cafeteria does offer many meatless options, I haven't seen any vegan fare. This will be a learning (and planning) expereince indeed, but it is one that I am delighted to have Heather lead me through. Registration is open, so take a look!

In other news: I made a drastic move last night. I deactivated my Facbook account (without telling anyone!) and deleted the Pinterest and Tumblr apps from my phone. There are a few legitimate reasons for doing this, not the least of which is productivity, and I am happy about my choice. I'll be here, on my Tumblr, and on Pinterest (from my laptop) as much as time allows, but as this quarter progresses, I am quickly learning that the least amount of distractions allow me to be-in-the-moment whole heartedly.

Here is your daily Awww:

Cute, right?! Cheers!

In Someone Else's Words

Sometimes I think this cycle never ends. We slide from top to bottom then we turn and climb again. And it seems by the time that I have figured what it's worth, the squeaking of our skin against the steel has gotten worse. But if I move my place in line I'll lose. And I have waited. The anticipation's got me glued. I am waiting for something to go wrong. I am waiting for familiar resolve. I waiting another repeat. Another diet fed by crippling defeat. And I am waiting for that sense of relief. And it's strange.

I feel I'll die from complications. Complications due to things I've left undone. That all debts will be left unpaid. Feel like a cripple without a cane. I'm like a jack of all trades who's a master of none. And there's my father--he's always looking on the bright side. Saying things like, "Girl, life just ain't that hard". He is the grand optimist. I am the world's poor pessimist. You give him burdens sometimes and he will escape un-scarred. I used to be quite resilient. Gained no strength from counting the beads on a rosary. Now the wound has begun to turn. Another lesson that has gone unlearned. But, this is not a cry for pity or for sympathy.

 

We have one chance, ONE chance, to get everything right. If we're lucky we might. My friends, my habits, my family--they mean so much to me.

 

It's good to be alive. Sometimes I wonder how I survived. Don't waste your time. EMBRACE IT. And then you'll know yourself. Don't fake your life. INHALE IT. And then you'll know yourself.

 

The change in you is goddamn electric. 

 

*Lyrics:

• Death Cab for Cutie
• City and Colour
• Modest Mouse
• Go soundtrack
• Pantera

Add One More to the List

...and number 31 of spring break excitement...

Contracted strep throat on the very first day of the spring quarter.

Icky! Bah!

Luckily, I recognized the symptoms as I am a strep throat champion. I've had a frantic run to the emergency room because I was unable to breathe due to strep and tonsillitis combined. Thankfully, we lived two blocks from the hospital so they rushed me in immediately. All was well after that, but I have never forgotten the tingling sensation and the swollen tonsils and the frog in my throat. So when I noticed my itchy throat wasn't turning into a head cold, I ran to the naturopath.

So, now I have a date with Penicillin, elderberry, fresh garlic and ginger tea, a silo of acidophillis and popsicles. I'm kinda frustrated over missing the first day of lectures, but I must convalesce.

Aye, me.

 

March 18-April 2

I've been a bad blogger. Yikes! I guess that's the way it goes sometimes.

I have been traveling, partying, and concert-going this week on spring break and I have very few photos to share with you. Unfortunately, the lens on my iPhone camera is scratched and scraped rendering nearly all of my photos useless. (If you have an iPhone 4, you cannot forgo a case like you could with the iPhone 3!) I hope to have it fixed soon.

 

*                    *                    *                    *

The long nights I spent blurry eyed and coffee fueled this quarter payed off with straight A's and an almost 4.0 GPA. (Darn that A minus.) Needless to say, Spring Break was very much welcomed--and it came with a few unexpected and exhilarating/frightening experiences.

Here is what I did:

1. Celebrated Lady A's sixth birthday.
2. Saw a legit mustache.
3. Read ahead in my abnormal psych book.
4. Hung out with my mom.
5. Took my mom to bars called the Train Wreck and Big Rock Grocery.
6. Filed a police report about a guy who kept flashing a knife at Mr. B and my cousin.
7. Accidentally on purpose swiped a jug of beer (that I PAID for but wasn't allowed to leave with).
8. Pet two zebra heads.
9. Slept in a sleeping bag.
10. Found room for 13 people to sleep in my house. 
11. Enjoyed waking up to Mr. B's mama and my mama chatting over coffee.
12. Ate two tuna sandwiches.
13. Started reading The Hunger Games.
14. Started reading The Science of Sin
15. Went shopping.
16. Watched Lady C finish the basketball season.
17. Hung out with my favorite cousin.
18. Did not eat potato salad, unfortunately. 
19. Missed Poker night.
20. Bought purple TOMS.
21. Registered for Heather's workshop!
22. Got the "back to school butterflies".
23. Day dreamed about moving to Ellensburg.
24. Drank, danced, and rocked out to Electric Six.
25. Woke up with bruises on my thigh that looked suspiciously like finger prints. (And I didn't get them from having fun with Mr. B.) Hmm...
26. Relearned why ladies do not go in tightly packed crowds wearing short dresses.
27. Concocted plans to travel to the east side next weekend.
28. Spent 400$ on text books.
29. Felt very thankful for a hand-me-down textbook from a girlfriend that saved me 200$.
30. Felt even more thankful for my family and friends.

Here are the few photos that made it through editing.

 



Um...ok...let me explain. Well, hmm...I guess I'll just have to send you here (mildly nsfw). What you can't see is there are two tap lights in my dress top. Fire in the disco!

 


That was a wild night week.

The Last Drops

Yesterday at the College: 8am and 4pm (but, I didn't leave till 8pm)

This was the scene as I stepped on campus early yesterday morning. Overnight, snow had fallen. Perhaps the last gasp of winter?

By the afternoon, the snow had melted and unmistakeable signs of spring were all around.

*Good news: LunaPacifica is able to stick around here longer than I had anticipated, and I am very greatful.